In a couple of hours, I’ll be on my way to watch Star Wars: The Force Awakens for the second time since its release late Thursday evening. This time, in addition to my youngest kid who joined me on opening night, I’ll be taking my husband of 16 years.
He asked me why I’d be interested in going again to see the movie so soon after watching it a first time just days ago.
Sigh.
Many parts of the essence of me stay hidden. Like my Star Wars fandom. There are a lot of us groupies these days, many who are consumed by their adoration of all things Star Wars – the toys, the video games, the books and stories that delve into characters just scraped upon in the movies. I’m not one of those. But the original trilogy – A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi (my record holder for movie I’ve seen in theaters the most – six or seven times over the summer of 1983) – are part of my heart, my core. When I recall my childhood, it’s hide & go seek and cap gun fights until the streetlights came on; it’s birthdays at Chuck E. Cheese and weekend sleepovers; it’s Barbie Dreamhouses and Townhouses and Corvettes and RVs and all sorts of Barbie pets; and its certainly Star Wars – recreating scenes from the movie with my deep collection of action figures and playsets and ships. I suppose that’s why the nostalgia of it all creeps back so heavily on me, simply the act of purchasing my tickets last month for The Force Awakens getting me teary-eyed.
But I’ve tempered myself around him – not because it would cause any kind of tension or issue with our marriage; I just hate the idea of my husband perceiving me as a geeky weirdo. I am; but he’s supposed to hold me in his sight as chic and witty and athletic with genius tendencies. While I’ve not quite sold him on that image of me either, I do help myself out by confining my Star Wars geekery to my office at work, keeping only a shoebox-full of my old school collection under my bed (the rest of my toys are stored in my parents’ garage up north).
But come this afternoon, when I watch the movie with my love, if my Star Wars side comes out (Dark or otherwise) at first glimpse of the Millennium Falcon, or while caught in the rapture of the Finn-Poe bro-mance as it takes shape, or when my very favorite creature in any galaxy – Admiral Ackbar – shows up on screen (when I saw him on Thursday evening, I screamed in delight – the only one in the theater to do so), he will know more deeply the person he married.
For better or for worse, he said.
***Spoiler Alert***
By the way, if after watching the movie he asks me if I think that Rey is Luke’s daughter, I will shout out YES, OF COURSE – I’M SO PROUD OF YOU! And then prompt him to watch Trailer 2 for the movie, which quotes what I believe are Luke’s words to Ren at the top of that peak when the movie ends.
Leave it to JJ Abrams to give us the punchline in the trailer, which is where we hear Luke speaking to someone about the strength of the force in his family – his father having it, he having it, his sister – and apparently the force was strong in the person he is speaking to. I waited and waited and waited for those words to be spoken in the film, but when we finally see Luke, he doesn’t say a thing.
But that’s because he didn’t have to – the implication to me is that we’ve already heard what prophetic and heavy words Luke needed to say to his visitor – his daughter! Who could not fall in love with such theatrics? Maybe there’s a chance to make a geeky fanboy out of my husband yet.